Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Celebration of David Holder's Life

On Monday, September 15th, hundreds of people gathered to celebrate David Holder's life and legacy. The following words are from his family and friends:
______________

Larry Holder, David's father:

There is no meaning to death. Death is not noble. Death is not heroic.

There is meaning to life.

I believe that we live on in the hearts and lives and actions of those that we have loved, that have loved us, in those whose lives have been altered or changed, even in the smallest way, by their interactions with us.

Everyone here today has been moved to some degree by knowing David: While he was growing up in Baltimore, in college or law school, while he was a husband, father and businessman, or even during this last year by the way he approached his cancer and his treatments, and how he appreciated and was comforted by the support of his friends.

It would be meaningful, if we each closed our eyes for a minute and reflected on how David impacted our life.

______________

My name is Michael Niccolini

David and I first met at Cornell where we became friends, and have been business partners for the last 10 years. I am honored to stand up here today to talk about my friend, and I am touched that his family asked me to do so. Ironically, David has been trying to get me to shut up in meetings for a decade. I guess I finally have the floor.

D avid Holder was a gifted thinker, a wonderful husband and father, and above all, a kind and gentle soul. For me, he was my moral compass, my wing man, and my unwaivering voice of reason. If you could sell an idea to David, you knew it would work. It would be modeled to death, but it would work.

I am struck by the number of lives this man touched in such a short time. Look around this room. His beautiful family, High school, college, law school, his work life, his community, his faith, his friends, and on and on. He touched us all. David could be a very private person. I don’t think any of us were fully aware of each other until he started publishing the blog. It became obvious to us all how many souls were praying for him. That was his last gift to us, to know other sides of him this past year through each other.

To Larry, Nancy, Elizabeth and Annie, and most of all Liza, Eli and Reed. Thank you for sharing him with us. Watching Larry’s dedication to david’s care, Nancy’s spiritual vigilance for her son. And Liza’s unwaivering strength and love, has been an inspiration to us all.

I have spent a lot of time lately thinking about Eli and Reed and what they will remember about their dad. I wrote a short letter to the boys about their father that I would like to read to you.

Dear Eli and Reed,

I first met your father when he was an 18 year old boy. Even at that young age, he never once allowed others to turn him off the path he had chosen, although it would have been easier to do so. Those of you who saw David chug a liter of Mountain dew in lieu of a Southern Comfort shot know what I mean.

-So choose your own path and follow it with pride.

I met your father again as a young man, at his first job out of Law School at Microstrategy. I watched him Dream enormous dreams- it was mesmerizing…..So much so that we quit our jobs and spent the next 10 years sitting in an office together chasing those dreams, and arguing about who was the actual boss, and who had to make the coffee.

-So follow your dreams, whatever they are, and your father will be proud

I saw your father work harder than any man I know, never getting tired, never slowing down, never not smiling. He used look at my bleary eyes when I was angling to leave the office and say, where are you going, someone’s making money in Tokyo. When David was a freshman at Cornell, he was a starting midfielder on the lacrosse team for one day. As he told the story, on the opening face off of fall ball, the man he was guarding caught the ball, ran by him like he was standing still, and scored a goal. David was summarily benched, and did not get back on the field for 4 years. He worked, and worked, and worked. And his senior year, he made it back on the field, he was a team captain, and won the “Charlie Hustle award” which he described as the award for the player who made the most out of the least physical skill. (he always hated when I told that story)

-So whatever you do, give it 100%, leave it all on the field.

I watched your father chase after your beautiful mother. David told me years later that he knew she was the one the day he first saw her in a law school class. She was not so convinced. But after several years of pursuit, he actually wore her down until she married him.

-So persevere, and you might end up the love of your life.

I watched your father as each of you was born, and I saw the joy that being your dad brought to his life. Eli, he bought you a full size lacrosse stick before you could pick up a pacifier by yourself. He took you out with ruby and that stick and threw tennis balls to her for hours upon hours. He spent so much time with you boys at turtle park they should rename it. He loved to be outside with you, he loved to feel the sun on his face, and he loved both of you. And he had plans to teach you many lessons: books not video games, fly not rod and reel, o’s not nationals.

-So always cherish the joy that is your family

I watched your father dedicate selflessly his time and efforts to causes he deeply cared about. His passion for education. His teaching and coaching, his love for the Kipp School, his good work with Ruby at PALS, and his unwaivering faith.

-So seek out things you care about beyond yourself and your life will be richer for it.

And I watched your father struggle against a terrible disease. He did so with courage, and resolve, and dignity, and heroic strength. His courage was only rivaled by that of your mother, who held his spirit aloft by the sheer force of her will.

-So live your lives with your parents' courage, you need not be afraid.

Your father was a wonderful man. He loved you and your mother more than anything on this earth. He was my friend and partner. You should be proud of the life that he lived, as I know he will be proud of both of you.

Let me leave you with your father’s own words:
March 10th, 2008: We had a perfect weekend with the boys, from Eli's worm digging and un-prompted thank yous to Reed's precious smiles and firm belief that he's four. It was a gift and I loved every minute.
Liza and I arrived safe and sound in NYC on Sunday afternoon, enjoyed a warm welcome in our hotel lounge from old friends, and then ate Thai food in our room. Today I had an appointment at the hospital in the morning and then we cruised the city a little, saw some friends, and picked up Sushi. We're getting a little quiet time before I head in for my extended stay on Wednesday morning, and it's nice.
My 3 Fs - faith, family, and friends - are in full force these days, giving me great courage and conviction. I love you all, especially my angel of a wife, who's love for me is the most magical force in my life.


Safe travels brother.

______________________

Fred Lohr

It is an honor to have this opportunity to speak about my wonderful friend David. Thank you Liza. I’ve been friends with David since we were two years old. I can recall countless childhood afternoons at the Holders’ modernist house off Bellona Avenue, nestled low in the woods of Ruxton, Maryland. One Saturday, we were probably 8 years old, and David’s dear housekeeper Rosetta was fixing lunch for David, Alex and me. She was cooking hot dogs. As they boiled, poor Rosetta very kindly asked us if we wanted our buns warmed. Now, for 8-year old boys, that’s about the funniest thing a person could possibly say, and we laughed for the next half-hour or so.
Because I’ve been friends with David for so long, he is woven very tightly into my life and who I am. I want to make a few observations about him, some of which you may share, given that David was consistently David, whatever the situation and whomever the company.
David took sincere interest and delight in people. He cultivated his friendships, both old and new, and loved connecting people to one other. He was a true networker, in the best sense of the word. Although modest about himself, he was effusive in his praise of those around him, such as when he would introduce friends of his to one another. I’m afraid these introductions would invariably result in some mutual disappointment, because let’s face it, none of us are quite as terrific as David made us out to be.
While David had innumerable strengths, I feel compelled to point out a minor weakness. David had limited musical taste and ability. I remember Dave being very excited one time about playing me a new CD he’d bought. It was some cajun zydeco jazz band, and the results were not pretty. When Dave decided to take up a musical instrument, it was the spoons. Not only did he play the spoons but he played them badly. I can still hear him thwacking away in the townhouse in Federal Hill while Thomas McIntyre grooved on keyboard.
In this past and pretty terrible year, family and friends rallied to David and Liza’s side. David had always given so much, that it was natural for people to come running when he finally needed some help. The sheer number of friends showing their support, through word and deed, was staggering, and a testament to David’s impact.
When some people get very sick, the experience profoundly changes them, as they re-examine their lives and perhaps regret having wasted time and having neglected what should have been priorities. I don’t think this was the case with David. His priorities were already very much in order, and therefore needed no adjustment. Family, friends, and enjoying the moments that life has to offer. Whether it was cooking barbecue on his deck, standing in a cold river waiting for the rainbow trout to bite, finishing the fast break on the courts of AU, splashing at the Great Wolf water park with my daughter Lucie, celebrating the Terps’ triumph in the NCAAs, taking the Rubester for a walk, hugging his beloved wife or swinging his boys in the air, David truly enjoyed the moment, with a glint in his eye and a big, trademark smile on his face. And during the past year, although the smiles came less frequently, he continued to remind us of the importance of enjoying those moments and of being aware of our good fortune. In those reminders, he gave us all yet another gift. I love you David and will miss you.

______________

Elizabeth Holder, David's sister:

What though the radiance which was once so bright Be now for ever taken from my sight, Though nothing can bring back the hourOf splendour in the grass, of glory in the flower; We will grieve not, rather findStrength in what remains behind-William Wordsworth
_______________

Thomas Mcintyre

I'm not sure if it is possible to put into words what David meant to those who knew him but i will try because i know he is listening. Dave, living with you for those years in Baltimore was the best gift I've ever been given. You showed me ho life should be lived, with depth of thought, seriousness of purpose, endless reserves of kindness, and an appetite for laughter and good times. What you gave to all of us that knew you could best be described as a spirit. A wise man once said "the spirit of life never dies. it is the infinite gateway to mysteries within mysteries".
The spirit you shared with all those who knew you and the example you gave us with the way you lived your life will live on inside each of us forever. Thank you. I love you.

______________

My name is George Hess. I have known David as a baby, a boy, an adolescent, a man, a surrogate son, my boss, and as a very close friend.

Remarkably bright and quick to learn things, David rarely made the same mistake twice because he retained every detail of his past experiences.

With his creative thinking, he was a tower of strength for any organization in which he was involved. A few years ago I was meeting with him about something to do with his business and told him about a new Board I was forming for an organization called the Baltimore Curriculum Project. The mission of the organization was and is to take failing public schools after they have been converted to Charter Schools and make them into good schools. He told me about his experience with the KIP school in D.C. and immediately said he wanted to help. I told him the Board would meet 4 times a year in Baltimore plus committee meetings that would likely be in Baltimore as well. In his wonderful, direct, enthusiastic way, he said driving didn’t bother him; he knew and cared about Baltimore and he wanted to be involved. He loved helping disadvantaged people because he believed that if they had a fair chance, they could improve their lot.

So, among other things in the little more than two years that he was actively involved, the Baltimore Curriculum Project got him to head our Finance Committee, our Strategic Planning Committee, and to be the Treasurer of the organization. He was fabulous, and the other Board members and paid staff loved him. The abounding energy that he showed was one of his trademarks.

Another was his respect for people as individuals for what they could contribute to the cause. You never felt old, young, female, black, or white when you worked with David. You were a person who was respected for what you were contributing honestly to the cause. If you weren’t straight and honest, you were soon off his team whether it was business, lacrosse, basketball, going fishing, or dealing with life’s prosaic problems. Once he respected you and believed in you, he was loyal to a fault.

With all these great attributes he also had a great sense of humor and laughed a lot. I remember when Prime Shot, the photography company he and Mike Niccolini created, rented a 10,700 square Foot space on Vermont Avenue in downtown Washington. The place had small offices strewn around the perimeter and a huge open space in the middle. I was the curmudgeon CFO of the organization. He had seen the space first and knew I questioned whether we needed so many square feet. When I saw it, I asked him what we were going to do with all this open space. So he opened a big bag he had brought with him, pulled out a football, and said, “We can have some great touch football games.”

Though I could talk for hours about David, I’ll tell you only one other story about him. Last January after the tumors had returned to his gut and he was involved in his second regiment of chemotherapy, Mike Niccolini needed help with some aspects of their business. Dave Sislen, Lara George, and I had volunteered and were asked to meet with Mike. As the three of us were waiting for Mike, we reflected on why we wanted to be involved. Lara said it better than Dave and I when she said: “ David Holder is the personification of ‘good,’ and you have to want to help his company at a time like this.”

I thought of concluding these remarks by reading A. E. Housman’s
Poem, “To an Athlete Dying Young.” Because it was written over a hundred years ago and didn’t describe David well enough, I decided I had a better thought for you to take away. I want to read something my 15 year old granddaughter, Sophie Hess wrote last Thursday, the day before David died:

David is leaving us.
Slowly and surely
His breath will run thinner
Through the cavities and corners
Of his tremendous soul.

We will see the change
In his skin and bones.
What was full,
Is almost empty.

In his fingers and in his eyes.

In the whispering stumbles
Of his voice.

In the wavers
In the quivers
Of the beating
Of his heart.

Two years ago,
We held hands around a wooden table.
Candles burned and food steamed proud proclamations.
It was Thanksgiving.
He laughed
And we did not need
To savor the sound he made
When he made it.
He said
He was thankful
For
Grace.

My mother looks me in the eye tonight
And tells me
That it will be peaceful.
That when it ends,
It will end quietly
And calmly.

Never did I think
His Grace
Would extend
So far.

David is leaving us.
Slowly and surely
His breath will run thinner
Through the Cavities and corners
Of his tremendous soul.



_______________
Angela Buchdahl:

We have just heard the most beautiful stories and memories from a few people who were closest to David Holder. And each one of us could add many more memories and stories. It is clear that the world lost a great light this week. How could it be that this young man, so full of life and love and blessing, could be cursed with this disease? God, how could you rob us, his family, his friends, his community, of the many years he should have had? We cannot make sense of David Holder’s untimely death, but God, we certainly know you have blessed us with his remarkable life.

This week, our tradition’s Torah portion, Ki Tavo, discusses blessings and curses. Blessings and curses are traditionally seen as opposites, two ends of a spectrum, but there are some people in the world, like David Holder, who understands that they are far more closely linked, more like two sides of a coin, that one can flip, from curse to blessing, with a turn of hand, with a change in our mindset.

You only have to read David’s blog tracking his illness, or rather what he’d call, his road to recovery, to know that he could even turn this illness into a blessing. He outlines his curse, his diagnosis, by saying:

I was diagnosed with "Stage III Peripheral T-Cell Lymphoma NOS" in August 2007, at 34 years old, with an amazing wife, two kids, loving dog, and generally feeling (as I continue to so feel), as blessed as anyone on this earth.

In his blog, David goes on to characterize a 5 month hospital visit to New York City for Cancer treatments as an adventure, thinking of it as a stint abroad. Curse or blessing? David consistently chose blessing.

David’s blog is an inspirational journey of healing, not of cure, but nonetheless tremendous healing, that he experienced through the power of love and friendship and faith—healing that people gave to him, but that we received in return, tracking his heroic battle with cancer. Throughout the blog, David is comforting each one of us, giving US strength, and courage and hope, even as he is consistently thanking us for giving it to him.

That is David Holder. Someone who always knew how to make others feel comfortable, even in the most difficult circumstances, who radiated positive energy and light and just made you want to be his friend.

Liza shared with me her unusual first date with David, it was her second year in law school. Immediately before David was to pick her up to go see an Orioles game, Liza was on the phone with her mother, learning that her grandmother had just passed away. Their date began in tears, with Liza retelling the news of the death to David. They did not know each other well yet, but David knew just the right way and just the right words to comfort her.

I met David a little over 12 years ago at Billy and Wendy Hess’s wedding. The Hess’s are family, and the Holders are very close to the Hess’s, and soon after I met David, he felt like extended family. We met a few more times at family celebrations and several years later David called to share that he was to have a celebration of his own, and asked if I would officiate over his marriage to Liza.

I saw immediately that David had found his beshert, his soulmate in Liza. You were an amazing team, a true partnership in every way. Liza, you said that each day was better than the last with him, even during this last horrible year of treatment. You felt privileged being the One in his life, “I got David Holder!” On your wedding day, 7 years ago, you promised each other to love with your fullest hearts, in good health and adversity, you promised to raise a Jewish family in a home filled with laughter and love. Liza, you and David fulfilled these promises more deeply than any other couple I know. There are no words for the loss that you bear, but I know that even knowing how short your time would be, you would not have traded the blessings that David brought to your life for anything.

Eli and Reed, you represent those blessings, personified. Eli, I hope you share the stories you heard today and this message with your brother Reed, when he gets older. Your Dad was a great man, a man of immense love and strength. You Dad loved your mother so much it was magical. But his love was not limited, and when you came into the world, he found a new love that wasn’t there before, a love that you brought him. Because of you, there is more love in the world. That super strong love your Dad felt for you, and for Reed, it never goes away, it cannot die. For as you live, your father’s love lives through you. He has instilled in you his most important values, and the unconditional love that will help you grow up to be a great man like him. And know, there are going to be ways that he will still give you strength, and still connect you to other people, and still make you laugh, even when he’s not here in person, as he did for you before. He’ll always be your Dad.

And to David’s father and mother, Larry and Nancy, it is against the natural order to have to bury your child. It is an unspeakable loss. You raised an amazing son, and you will find ways, with Elizabeth and Annie, and the rest of the family, to share what is most precious with his sons, with the next generation of your family.

Amidst this darkness and pain, what do we do? During the dark days of David’s illness, Liza said, “we all followed David’s lead, and he carried us through.” But now that he’s gone, what do we do? We still follow his lead. We flip that cursed coin, and choose blessing. I found these inspiring words from David’s blog particularly fitting for us now:

One of the great benefits of this disease has been reconnecting with people. I've been so lucky to have crossed paths with so many good people over the years. Each communication has an immediate physical effect on me. Some chemical must be released in my brain that allows me to recall the good times and fond feelings, and the memories wash over me like a warm blanket. If I'm physically down at that moment, then the pain goes away as I get lost in the memories.

When we are down, we have our memories, to make some of the pain go away, memories that keep David alive for us, memories that will wash over us like a warm blanket. But David would ask us to do more—David would want us to take that warm blanket, and use it to cover the shoulders of a resident in a nursing home, who has no one to visit, but who used to have David and Eli and their beloved therapy dog, Ruby, visiting every Sunday. In this way, we choose blessing, and this is part of David’s legacy to us. David would have us take that warm blanket and use it to heat up the hopes of an inner-city child for a better future as he did through lacrosse and many other educational efforts. In this way, we choose blessing, and this is part of David’s legacy to us. He would have us take that blanket and wrap it around each other, as he would have done to comfort each of us in pain. He would have us share memories, connect and bring more love into the world. In this way, we choose blessing, and this is part of David’s legacy to us.

Our tradition says, I have set before you blessing and curse. Life and Death, Choose Life. David chose blessing at every opportunity. And even as he faced his own death, he was an emblem of living life to the fullest. Even in this darkest hour, we thank you God for the blessing of David Holder’s life. And we will strive to follow his example, and to make the world a better place, to choose blessing as David did, and in this way, David will continue to live through us. May his memory always be for blessing. Amen.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Funeral Services

Funeral services will be held at Adas Israel Congregation
2850 Quebec Street, NW
Washington, DC 20008
Monday, Sept 15th at 1 pm.

In mourning at 10412 Snowpoint Drive, Bethesda, Md. 20814 (Elaine and Robin Wexler's home).
Family will be accepting visitors Monday after the funeral and all day Tuesday and services Tuesday evening at this address.
Wednesday, Sept 17th 5702 Visitation Way, Baltimore, Md ( Nancy Holder) from 5pm-7pm, short service at 5:30pm.
Wednesday, Sept 17th from 7pm - 9pm at 2405 Still Forest Road, Baltimore, MD 21208 ( Larry and Marsha's).

Contributions in David's memory may be sent to David L. Holder Education Foundation, c/o West Costello, 409 Washington Avenue, Suite 1010, Baltimore, Maryland 21204. The foundation's mission is to support the public educational causes that David cared so passionately about.

For out of town guests, here are some hotel options:

Marriot- http://www.marriott.com/hotels/maps/travel/wasdt-marriott-wardman-park-hotel/

Hilton Washington- http://www1.hilton.com/en_US/hi/hotel/DCAWHHH-Hilton-Washington-District-of-Columbia/index.do

Fairmont- http://www.fairmont.com/washington/HotelPackages?cm_mmc=tripadvisor-_-winter-_-wdc-_-wdc

Westin- http://www.starwoodhotels.com/westin/property/overview/index.html?propertyID=245

Embassy Suites Chevy Chase Pavilions-
http://www.embassysuitesdcmetro.com/
It is with great sadness that we need to report that David passed away this morning at John's Hopkins after a 14 month struggle with Lymphoma. He faced this battle with grace and courage. He is now at peace. Each and every one of you gave David the strength to fight through your thoughts and prayers. He loved you all and we will never forget.

The Memorial service will be held Monday afternoon. We will post the details as soon as they are available.

Monday, September 1, 2008

Back in DC

I'm back in DC. Very difficult. In the middle of chemo. My neighbor barbar wrote a poem. Love to him.


Back In The Hood
Holder Is Home
The King Of Sedgwick
Has Returned To His Throne

He Continues To Battle
With His Positive 'Tude
There's No Chance For Cancer
'Gainst Such A Tough Dude

Courageous And Selfless
Just A Few Of His Fine Traits
When It Comes To Quality People
He Certainly Rates

While We Don't Know Him As Well
As Many Of You Do
We've Realized Something Recently
That Many Of You Knew

If Our Daughter Or Son
Emulate David Some Day
We'll Know That Our Parenting
Has Gone A Long Way

Hang Tough Mr. Holder
It's Been A Long Ride
But Now That Your Back
We're Here By Your Side

-Kalers

-------------
David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Friday, August 22, 2008

I love you all. I'm working hard. Back at the apartment in NYC with dad. I feel your blessings. Thank you.  


-------------
David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Chemo

Chemo is is keeping me down. I'll be out of the fog in a couple weeks.

I love your spirit.

Best to you all!


-------------
David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Sunday, August 10, 2008

On Our Way

Liza's at home. I'm at the apartment with my dad. Tough times and tough times ahead, but my dad and I are working hard, as is Liza. We'll turn it around slowly, particularly with your love and support.

May you all have great times, enjoy the Olympics and family and each other.

All my best and love,
Dave


-------------
David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Poem Penned by our Friend Rob Kaler!

The Battle Continues
You'll Never Give Up
The Glass Is Half Full
And You're Way Too Tough

The Cancer Is Frightened
It's Losing The Fight
Soon Its Bark
Will Be Worse Than Its Bite

Keep The Chin Up
We're Cheering For You
Keep The Faith
And It Will See You Through!

-------------
David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Multi-front Challenge

Unfortunately the lung tube did not have the intended effects. I am back to where I started more or less. So we are working on healing four different fronts: (1) Lymphoma in my lungs; (2) fluid in my lungs; (3) eating; and (4) pain.

Number (1) gets addressed later in the week with a PET-CT.

Number (2) gets addressed partly today. This afternoon I get a catheter put into my left lung to drain the fluid from the left. The idea is that I should get my breathing back and reduce the pain with a successful catheter operation.

Number (3) is currently being addressed by the feeding tube that goes directly into my intestines. I have liquid food that gets pumped into me almost 18 hours a day. It is unnatural but keeps me fed with calories, fluids, and nutrients. We expect that my ability to eat will return after we fix the other problems and get off many of the drugs.

Number (4) is constantly being addressed by the "pain team" (it should be called the feel good team).  They try different pain regimens, which do work, and they try regimens that I could use at home (e.g. no intra-venus meds just oral meds).  The bottom line here is that I should not be uncomfortable.

The best news is that my beautiful wife is here visiting me. She arrived yesterday afternoon. My heartrate has been too high and then when my vitals were checked after her arrival the rate dropped 15%! She's magic, Love is magic. 

May you all have a great endless summer. I wish we were playing together, and I look forward to seeing you soon. I'm seeing the light and it has all of you smiling and laughing, waving me forward into recuperation and good health.

-------------
David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Sunday, August 3, 2008

Tough Times

I have been in the hospital since Monday. Doctors are trying to fix my lungs, which have fluid in them. It is not smooth sailing.

My dad, a physician, is with me. I love him and respect him with my life. I am extremely debilitated and I rely on his love, decision-making, expertise, and care to get me through. Faith is very important right now. Knowing that others are caring for me and my family as if I would care is what gets me through each hour. I live minute to minute. This is the scariest time of my life. Please don't let me alarm you, I just need to be honest. When this is all over I can't wait to see how this experience changes my life and the lives of those closest to me.

As for the blog readers, I love you, love your enthusiasm and support, and I look forward to hugging each of you in the months and years to come. This will happen.


-------------
David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Getting Back

Fixing the lung was key. Man oh man. The doctors sucked over 3  liters of fluid from the right lung - 3 liters!  They "sodered" the lung to the wall yesterday evening - no pain no gain. Now I feel great and am ready to power back into condition. Feeling good is such a pleasure. Breathing without labor is such a pleasure.

I hope to get my appetite and stomach working soon. I think I'm close, as I find myself watching Food Channel and really enjoying restaurant commercials - anyone been to Red Lobster or Outback lately?  They look to have some Delicious burgers and fried/grilled shrimp. (Some places still look gross, e.g. Long John Silver and TGI Fridays.)

All my best to everyone. Have a fun weekend.  Maybe a trip to Outback?

-------------
David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Lots of Turns

On Monday I was admitted to the Hospital to get a chest tube implanted in my lung, which drains fluid from my right lung and allows me to breath without great strain. While the first 24 hours were painful and scary, I feel much better now, much better.

My dad is of course here with me and we expect to get discharged on Saturday. We'll then be in great shape for my resurgence and training!

I miss Liza, Emi (Liza's sister) and the kids, a lot. I have such wonderful incentives to build strength and get well. Sometimes My dad and I feel we're in Mission Impossible, but actually this is Mission Possible with no problems, just opportunities to improve myself.

I miss you, honey, and can't wait to return HOME!

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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Sunday, July 27, 2008

TCB

Liza and the kids are homeward bound. As hard as it was to say goodbye, we decided my recovery required a little more quiet time and less kid time. My dad is with me here in NY and we are in training to improve my condition. I'm optimistic.

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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Friday, July 25, 2008

One Round Down

I finished the first round (3 days) yesterday. My job now is to concentrate again on getting stronger, ignoring (as best I can) the chemo side effects. The next round is in 3 weeks.

Your faith and optimism shine through in your emails and posts and are contagious, thank you!


-------------
David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Bring it

Chemo for just a handful of tumors?  They don't stand a chance.  I can smell the end of this tumor strain and I have no lost love. A few rounds and I predict we head back south.

I love you all. Your faith is my fuel.


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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Monday, July 21, 2008

Update

Chemo starts tomorrow. I am in a study whereby I get 3 days of chemo every three weeks. In the meantime the feeding tube is working and I'm doing my best to supplement with eating and drinking.


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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Friday, July 18, 2008

Chemo

We met with the Lymphoma doctor today to discuss the most recent PET scan and probable recurrence. There are indeed tumors in my lungs and while they have the same cellular make-up as the original T-cell Lymphoma, this new strain is not as fast growing, which allows us to be careful and deliberate in our choice of therapy. We will likely go on a chemo regimen at MSKCC starting next week, 3 days of treatment every 3 weeks. We'll try and kill the tumors and then give my new immune system a better opportunity to kill tumor cells as they develop.

The fight goes on; with plenty of energy and strength.

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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Monday, July 14, 2008

Working Hard

We went to the hospital today and adjusted the pain medication and feeding regimens. The pain adjustment should mean I feel much more comfortable, and the feeding adjustment means the feeding is designed for weight gain, albeit slow, instead of weight maintenance. I feel much better with these issues addressed.

The PET scan is tomorrow and then we meet with the Lymphoma doctor on Friday. By Friday we should have a lot more insight into the next phase of tumor fighting and I should be feeling much better.

This week we also have many visitors, and visitors inject us with energy and optimism, so I have high hopes for the next four days.

I wish everyone a great week. This could be one of the great weeks of my recovery depending on test results and my body's response to the feedings and pain meds.

TCB!

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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Back Home

I'm back at the apartment and can't believe the boys' smiles and innocence and energy.  As great as it is to sleep in my own bed and see the family in action, it is also really hard.  Hard b/c I don't have enough energy to even sit on the couch and watch. I retire to our bedroom and work hard to take pills, get fed through the belly tube, and try  to stay as pain free as possible.  Liza has to be mom, wife, and nurse. Luckily her sister is still here to help, but I wish I was more self sufficient. I don't think this lifestyle can last very long. We can't sustain the pace and our sanity.

In the meantime, everyone's encouragement is like getting pumped with little shots of adrenaline.  Awesome. Thank you.

Have a fun weekend!

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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Progress

The food tube was hungry and it's been eating non-stop since the docs started testing it roughly 50 hours ago; and there have yet to be complications!

The plan is to get me stronger, discharge by next week, and then pet scan to see what, if any, lymphoma exists (hasn't been killed by my new immune system)..  If no lymphoma, then we're done, I have a year to build up immunities (vaccinations, etc.).  If lymphoma, then we come up with another plan.

I miss you all dearly, love seeing the ny guys regularly, and I continue to be overwhelmed by your notes, emails, posts, and general love and support.


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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Monday, July 7, 2008

Momentum

Looks like the big mo is back on our side. I just got out of surgery to implant a feeding tube through my abdomen and into my intestine (same procedure that failed on Thursday), and it worked!  I should be "eating" through it soon. I had great faith and peace b/c of your support and encouragement. Thank you!!!

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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Bike Riders Wanted

It is with great pleasure, humility, and thankfullness that I am announcing Team Holder's participation in the 2008 Lymphoma Society Research Race, which takes place on September 21st.

My good friends Fred Lohr and William Jackson are leading the charge.

We need riders and donations.

To learn more and sign-up, please go to:

http://www.lymphoma.org/faf/home/default.asp?ievent=265299

1. Click on Team Rank
2. Click on More
3. Find Team Holder
4. Sign up as a rider, a donor, or both!

Many thanks to everyone for their constant love and support; and many thanks in advance for participating in the 2008 Race.

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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Sunday, July 6, 2008

Strawberries & Cream

Like Federer, grass is my favorite surface, but I still think I have to root for the lucky, talented underdog, Nadal. 

Thank you all for your encouraging notes. They lift my spirits tremendously.


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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Friday, July 4, 2008

Happy Independence Day!

Happy July 4th!  May the founding principles of our great country live on as guides for generations to come.

Personally, I've had a rough few days as the doctors try and get some weight and nutrition in me. I'm due for a turn-around so hopefully I have a better report the next time I post to the blog.

I wish perfect grill sessions and fantastic fireworks for everyone!

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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Still fighting

There are two T-cell lymphoma nodes in my lungs. This is not what we expected, but we continue to be in good hands, surrounded by love and support, and we'll fight even harder now than we did in the first two rounds.

Over the next day or two we will determine a course of treatment and then knock it out, hopefully getting to cure and recovery sooner rather than later.

We love you all.

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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Lung Biopsy

This afternoon I had another lung biopsy; last week's was done with a fine needle and yielded little material, today's was done with a scalpel and video camera (much more invasive), and we got much more material. The material was sent to pathology for analysis and we should get results by mid next week.

In the meantime, I'm chilling on the bed, heavily sedated as the surgery left an open hole in my side.

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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Thursday, June 26, 2008

No Tumors

The doctors performed the 100-day- since-transplant PET Scan and I'm happy to report there are No Tumors!  You all did it, I just got through each day riding your spirit, so THANK YOU!

This doesn't mean the lung problems and recovery stage is over. It does mean, however, that this is hopefully the last recovery stage, and there's no big question about recurrence lingering.

Good news.

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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Roller Coaster

Yesterday I had a fever so I was admitted to the hospital. This is the most common experience of a transplant patient. A fever is easy to get and yet could be devastating to me in my debilitated state. The doctors loaded me up on fluids and anti-biotics, and monitored me closely at the ER until my blood pressure came back (it was very low). Liza sat in an uncomfortable hospital chair until they gave me the all clear (at 3am) to go to a room (the same room I had for the transplant cooincidentally). She's so much tougher than me.

This is inconvenient, but hopefully not a long set-back; I can heal the rest of me while they work on the fever, so there is no wasted time!

As for the lung biopsy results, there is no news yet. All tests are negative so far. This is a little odd b/c there is clearly a lot of growth in the lung. The procedure may be redone in a more invasive manner in order to be sure they got the right sample.

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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Roller Coaster

Yesterday I had a fever so I was admitted to the hospital. This is the most common experience of a transplant patient. A fever is easy to get and yet could be devastating to me in my debilitated state. The doctors loaded me up on fluids and anti-biotics, and monitored me closely at the ER until my blood pressure came back (it was very low). Liza sat in an uncomfortable hospital chair until they gave me the all clear (at 3am) to go to a room (the same room I had for the transplant cooincidentally). She's so much tougher than me.

This is inconvenient, but hopefully not a long set-back; I can heal the rest of me while they work on the fever, so there is no wasted time!

As for the lung biopsy results, there is no news yet. All tests are negative so far. This is a little odd b/c there is clearly a lot of growth in the lung. The procedure may be redone in a more invasive manner in order to be sure they got the right sample.

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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Lung Biopsy

This morning I have a lung biopsy to determine once and for all what's brewing in my lungs. Whatever it is, we've been treating it incorrectly and this biopsy should lead to the correct diagnosis and treatment, which in turn should lead to my recovery getting back on track - eating, drinking, energy, etc.  A welcome series of events.

I hope everyone had a great weekend. I dream of playground runs, grilling sessions, and the beach, and you all are there. I can't wait.

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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Thanks Dad

Thanks for all the love and support. May everyone feel as blessed. I love you.


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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Friday, June 13, 2008

Ups and Downs

With the kids here the highs are definitely higher - just their smiles are worth their weight in gold - but the lows are much lower. I am exhausted and have to remember my limitations and priorities, otherwise the exhaustion turns into a nasty downward spiral, effecting my eating, drinking, pill taking, and sleeping. I'll get better at it but the last week has been rough physically.

Thank you for your continued well wishes. I love hearing from you, even if I don't have the energy to respond, your emails and notes give me a big boost.

Have a great weekend!

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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Saturday, June 7, 2008

Family Fun

Liza and her sister pulled up to the apartment building and before the engine was off Eli was climbing out of his car seat, across Reed and into my arms. His smile was just as fun as me realizing I can barely lift him up. From that moment we hung in the apartment and played. Blocks and baths are like riding a bike.

You all have delivered these boys in better shape than I left them, not suprisingly, and it feels good to be together again.

I'm no doctor, but I'm pretty sure I got A LOT better today!

I look forward to NYC park dates soon, and really can't wait for the DC park reunions.

May you all have great summers full of smiles and love. See you soon!

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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Friday, June 6, 2008

Cruising Through

I've been cruising through this first week in the apartment. Spending my days on the couch trying to eat and drink, and going for a walk mid-day. Walks are like a fairy tale world - partly b/c NYC is crazy and partly b/c of its novelty relative to the hospital.

I'm ready for the kids to arrive tomorrow with Liza (my dad's been caring for me in her absence). It's like every two months we start a new chapter. As long as each chapter has me improving, then this book is a great read.

Thanks to all the New Yorkers visiting the apartment. It's been great seeing everyone. And thanks to the business man special visits as well.  (Taking a detour from business travel to say hello). Soon I'll be meeting you jokers outside of the apartment!

I hope everyone's having a great early summer and gearing up for some good R&R these coming months.

All my best to everyone!

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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Friday, May 30, 2008

TCB

A good friend of mine and now retired college lacrosse coach taught me about TCB, which means, "takin care of business".  When I first got out of the hospital, I was just relieved, thrilled to smell the outside air, and to sleep in a real bed. Now I remember there is still a lot of work to be done. I need to figure out how to take all my pills, eat, and drink. These three tasks are not easy for me right now, but focusing on TCB makes my job much easier. With your continued love and support, TCB becomes even easier.

I've had some visitors since I busted out of the hospital and it's great to see you all. I look forward to more visits and to the great energy and spirit you bring with you.

TCB!

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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

I'm Out!

77 days since admission, 69 days since transplant, and I'm finally out.  I'm writing from the sunny deck of the 21st floor in the apartment our friends at Columbus Nova so generously provided for me, Liza, and the Boys.  It is glorious.

Thank you all for keeping me sane, watching over the family, sending constant love and keeping me in the light. Your healing powers worked!

Now it is my job to get strong again. I need to put on about 20 pounds, and I will be going into the hospital as an out-patient almost daily to get some medicine and to get my blood checked, but getting stronger from my own bed is immeasurably easier and more fun than room 831 at MSKCC.

I look forward to giving you all a big hug when I see you next, hopefully soon.

All my best. Keep smiling.

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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Getting There

I'm doing what I can to stay in shape so the doctors will give me the green light for discharge. Hopefully I have just a few days to go.


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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Getting Closer

Today I had a CT scan, and it showed the lung getting materially better. Now the doctors are working on exactly the right lung drug mix for me to take as an outpatient. This process may take a good 10 days, but as soon as they figure it out, then I should get the green light for discharge. So we're still on track for May discharge, and probably sometime next week. In the meantime, I get stronger every day, eating, sleeping, exercising, and getting acclimated to oral meds instead of IV drugs.

Thank you again to everyone for your help in all things family related, and for your inspiring well wishes; to my wife for her tireless love, even during these difficult transition times; and to my doctors and nurses for getting me back in shape to join the real world. I love you all.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

On Track

I'm eating a little more each day, meds are being reduced, and I feel good. If we stay on this track, then a May discharge is definitely in the cards.

One quick clarification: I am not at all nervous about the discharge. I can't wait for it. I was nervous about writing about discharge, thinking that I may jinx the timing if I start talking and writing about it. Believe me, I am more than ready to get out of here.

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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Good Signs

I'm pretty sure the past two days have marked the begining of the end of my stay here at MSKCC. My nausea has abated significantly, the doctors have taken away a couple of my daily meds, and switched two other meds from IV to pill form. I am eating, not much (half cup of cheerios), but a little more each day, and I feel much better. Barring unforseen changes, I expect to move out by the end of the month.

Writing about discharge makes me nervous, but it also puts a little extra pressure on me to power through this phase successfully, and a little pressure is good.

As always, thank you for your thoughtful and constant encouragement. You keep my spirit high and strong.

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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Happy Mother's Day!

The sun and smiles should shine bright today, giving thanks to all the heroic moms that keep this world filled with optimism and unconditional love.

I love you, Mom.


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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Persevere

I'm just powering through the days now, taking one hour at a time, until the lung issues are resolved. The many medicines they are using to heal the lung sap the energy from me and have a whole additional set of side effects. The good news is that Liza takes great care of me, making life as easy as possible, and eventually the lung will heal and I'll get back to the business of preparing for discharge.

Patience and perseverence. I'll get there. We'll get there.

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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Shaving

I had a nice soft grey stash and goatee develop over the past month, which felt cool, but also felt a little grungy. Razors (or anything that can cause bleeding for that matter) are strictly prohibited, but electric shavers are allowed. So my dad (it's like I'm a kid again) went out and got me a nice Braun. And I shaved. It felt good and civilized, and while I miss the smooth face I've had for the past few months, I like the progression.

I am still extremely nauseous from the lung drugs, but the lungs are improving and the drugs won't last forever. I am feeling a little better, or not worse, every day. The next big milestone is eating. I need to start eating again. Once I can eat, like the white counts coming in, a lot of good things will follow.

Thank you for your continued love and support. The angels and choir are working overtime and it warms my heart.

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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Sunday, May 4, 2008

Status

I'm doing a little better. The counts are all up, and we're a few days into the lung treatments. The lung treatments may last as long as a couple of weeks, but when they're over, I should get much better much quicker. I have no expectation of being here past May.

Thank you for your continued letters and emails, which are all filled with smiles and love. I get stronger with each fun message you send me.

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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Thursday, May 1, 2008

May Flowers

May we all bloom bright this May!  Yesterday was better than the day before, with breathing improving. I feel Spring warming me up.

I wish you all a season of smiles and renewal and adventure.


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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Monday, April 28, 2008

Breathing

I have a fungal infection in my lungs, which the doctors are all over. They say it should improve or be gone in a week or two. It is scary because I often feel out of breath, but my oxygen levels are 100% and it is more an inconvenience than a problem. I have my faith, family and friends working in full gear, which also makes it better. In the meantime, my whites counts continue to rise daily, I'm now up to 5000. This is very encouraging and should help bring along all of the other counts.

I love you all. Your emails and notes are a great encouragement. Thank you.


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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Long Days

These days are long. I'm exhausted. I'm getting by on love and determination. I love my angel of a wife.


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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Counts and Routine

My white count was at 3500 this morning. Good news. There are many criteria in addition to the white cell counts that I must meet prior to discharge, but the whites are a good overall indicator. In addition, as the whites go up, the doctors start adding and removing drugs to see how I react and try to prepare me for life on the outside again. This too is good news.

I have a routine that gets me through the days and nights, and it is welcome that the routine should start to change in the coming weeks as the doctors add and remove drugs.

I've watched more NBA basketball (Chris Paul!!) and AMC movies than any sane person should attempt, but at least there are some good games and I'm a sucker for old funny movies (at least in my current state of zero energy).

All my best to you, my lifeline that keeps me going (and improving) with your love and support. I hope you all are loving the Spring with all its gifts and optimism.


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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Monday, April 21, 2008

Movin On Up

My white blood cells took a nice jump to 2300 this morning. I also feel marginally better physically.  My body is working hard to build my system back-up. In the meantime lack of energy and some pain are no problem, particularly with all of your emails, notes, packages and love streaming my way. I feel the light of your energy constantly and it is healing me! 

Liza returned to DC today to spend time with the boys, and my dad arrived here to care for me in her absence. With such loving friends and family looking out for me and my family constantly, I am the luckiest man alive.


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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Plugging Along

We continue to move in the right direction - up! David is trending along well. His energy level is in the negative range, but with each passing day (or hour), we get closer to the turnaround. Hope everyone enjoyed the weekend. Happy Passover!

Friday, April 18, 2008

1000

My white count is at 1000 this morning. Thank you for getting me here. I love you all.

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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Still At It

I'm still here, living by the minute and constantly amazed at how everyone's love and optimism lift me from moment to moment. Liza cares for me with remarkable attention and grace. Her attention to every detail is what keeps me in the best possible condition. I am one lucky, blessed man.

We'll continue to keep you updated as my counts improve. The process is slow but it is working, and generally moving in the right direction - up, up, up!


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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

White Blood Cell Count Arrives

The counts are starting to roll in and we're pretty excited up here. David's white blood count is 0.7, which may not sound like much, but we went from .3 to .6 to .7 in two days and the upward climb definitely means we're moving in the right direction. David is feeling okay and we're hoping that he'll start to feel better as the counts continue to climb. He's very puffy in his hands and feet (due to all the fluids he's getting), but at least he no longer looks like he went 9 rounds with Rocky himself -- he actually looks great. We continue to listen to music, watch movies, troll the web for new sites, and wait patiently for those numbers to peak! Your notes, emails, and packages are wonderful, and make it much easier to be sequestered in this room. We love you!

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Status Quo

We're still in the holding pattern, taking each hour at a time, getting my blood checked twice daily, waiting for the white counts to jump. the good news is that as we pass the time waiting, the doctors and nurses recognize and wack down most uncomfortable sypmtoms within a few days of materialization.

Thank you again for your generosity. From cards and emails and packages to Blood and Platelets (which I get almost every day, and without your donations there would be a heavy strain on MSKCC's repository). I don't find out the donor's name when I receive blood or platelets, but the hospital will give us a list of people that came in and I can't wait to thank you more personally.

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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

T+20

We're twenty days post transplant and all is on track. While many side effects linger on, the doctors and nurses take good care to minimize discomfort. When the transplant grafts and white blood cells are created, many of the side effects will melt away. Therefore, it is possible that I'll know my white counts are up before the docs tell us - if I start feeling better out of the blue, it's most likely due to white blood cells working through my system. That will be a fun day, and it could be as soon as next week.

In the meantime, Liza and I pass the time reading your beautiful cards, enjoying a movie or two, playing guitar, surfing the web, and reading (more Liza than me). I'm sure she's doing a lot more but I'm pretty zonked for most of the day and she doesn't bother me with little things (like coordinating the homefront). She's kind-of like a convict that still runs the business from inside the joint. She's also got great lieutenants out there, and thank you, thank you, thank you.

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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Sunday, April 6, 2008

Hour by Hour

I'm laying low in my room, taking each hour as it comes, working with the doctors and nurses to be as physically comfortable as possible.  I also stay vigilante in my duties to get out of bed at least four hours per day, do a little stretching, cleaning constantly, and staying positive, which is easy with all of your well wishes washing over us in wave after wave of love.  Your response to Liza's request for blood and platelet donors has humbled us once again.  The MSKCC blood donor program was totally overwhelmed and I face no shortage.  I get platelets twice a day it seems and blood at least once a day.  I love knowing that it comes from the force of the choir!  I miss you all.

All my best,
David




Thursday, April 3, 2008

Scientific Experiment

As a coach in Baltimore's inner city middle school lacrosse league in 1995, I never condoned the kids name-calling but one of the most creative names one boy called another, I thought, was "you scientific experiment". The connotations were cruel and smart and way outside of their normal boxes. Well the chicken's come home to roost, b/c more than anything else I feel like a scientific experiment. I literally don't recognize myself in the mirror, I have no less than eight different bags of medicine flowing into me through tubes carved into my chest at all times. Drug reactions and reactions to reactions are non-chalantly discussed in untimely manners by the doctors, and they give me a generic pain pump button like a chimp to dampen the nerves whenever I feel the need. I haven't eaten in a week, I take a few sips of liquid a day, and I don't leave this room, period. In short, my young student athlete from inner city Baltimore, Early Jackson, could call me a scientific experiement and he'd be dead on right.

I have every faith I'll snap back to my old self in a few weeks, but in the meantime if only Early Jackson could see me now; we'd have a good laugh.

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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Thank you and details on timing of donations

David and I continue to be moved and awed, although not the least bit surprised, by your love and support. You are all amazing. The Blood Donor Room has received a record-breaking number of calls for appointments on David's behalf, and we can't thank you enough. We want to ensure that your generous donations are put to good use. Please note the information below on the timing of donations. David will most likely be receiving occasional platelet and blood transfusions over the next several weeks, so feel free to schedule appointments across the next month or so.

Whole blood donations take about one hour and can be stored for 30 days after testing. Platelets take approximately 2 1/2 hours for the entire process and can be stored for only 5 days, 2 of which are used for testing. Therefore, it is important to spread out the donations so they do not all expire on the same dates.

We continue to plug along in our "bubble," and David is doing well. We are 13 days out from the transplant and right on track.

We love you!


Tuesday, April 1, 2008

David needs blood and platelets - please donate and spread the word!

Dear Friends and Family,

David is doing great. A routine part of his treatment often requires blood and platelet transfusions. David and our family would deeply appreciate your donation of blood and/or platelets in his name, and hope that you will ask others to donate as well. Donations not used by David will be released for use by other patients, many of whom are children.

Designated donations for David must be made in the Blood Donor Room of Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center. For those of you not in the tri-state area, we hope that you will consider donating if you are passing through. Please ask your friends in the area to donate if they can.

Please visit www.mskcc.org/blooddonations for complete information about donor eligibility and the donation process for blood or platelets.

For answers to questions and to schedule an appointment that is convenient for you, please CALL:

Mary Thomas
212-639-3335
Coordinator, Blood Donor Program
thomasfm@mskcc.org

APPOINTMENTS ARE NECESSARY. ALL BLOOD TYPES ARE ACCEPTABLE.

The Blood Donor Room is open EVERY DAY:
Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday 8:30 am - 3:00 pm
Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday 8:30 am - 7:00 pm

1250 First Avenue (between 67th and 68th Streets)
Schwartz Building lobby

FREE PARKING is available for donors at the garage located at 433 East 66th Street, corner of York Ave.

Note: The process for donating whole blood takes approximately 1 hour; the process for donating platelets takes about 2 1/2 hours.

THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF OUR HEARTS. WE LOVE YOU ALL (and your blood)!!!

Liza and David

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Happy Sunday!

I'm getting by. Each hour and day is one closer to May!  I feel a little like the vision quest guy. My concentration is almost nil, but Liza's here to provide a backbone to which I can melt into if necessary.

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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Friday, March 28, 2008

T + 8

I'm now eight days removed from the transplant; how time flies!  We installed a serious dart board in the room yesterday - the kind you'd find in a bar - the darts have plastic tips, and the board is full of electronic bells and whistles. It should be good for at least an hour a day of "exercise". Many thanks to my old college buddy who delivered the beautiful board.

The doctors altered my nausea and pain meds yesterday and the adjustments helped considerably.  I was out of bed for over seven hours, far exceeding my four hour per day goal.

The most difficult side effect right now is related to mucositis, which destroys my mouth, throat, esophogus, and whole GI track. As a result my mouth and throat burn with pain, my mouth is filled with gauze and blood, and I neither talk nor swallow. Not pretty, but to be expected and it will pass. In the meantime, Liza speaks for me and I speak with her through my eyes and expressions. Our ability to communicate under the circumstances makes me smile. She has clearly always been a step or two ahead of me but didn't let on, as this wordless interplay comes easy.

Your thoughtfullness and generosity continue to keep Liza and me in high spirits. From emails to care packages, and friends taking Liza out for a meal, we are doing as well as can be expected. We love you for your support and optimism.

With love and affection,
Dave

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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Plowing Along

The doctors say I should expect some energy in ten days or so, which means I'll be laying low until early April. But then, however, I hope to feel my rusty brain and body coming back a little. Accordingly, Liza and I are outfitting the room in preparation. Mike's bringing up my guitar on Thursday and the dart board should be hung by then. Between darts, guitar, my gorgeous wife looking after me, and the magical morphine pump, I should be doing just fine.

While time is precious, I'm happy to rush through the next month or two, and if all goes as planned we may just be able to pull it off.

I'm not much of a documentarian, but last night I had a blood blister in my mouth that was doubling in size every couple hours. By midnight it was the size of a golf ball and it was hanging outside of my mouth. It was so alien that I took a photo of it. Now that it's popped, although still bleeding, that photo is comical. I want all side effects to be so comical.

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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Day by Day

My doctors say my energy level is that of a newborn, b/c like a newborn my body is fighting to develop an immune system. So I have no energy, but my determination is high, and serious. I ask my doctors not about symptoms, but about what I can do to recover better, and faster.  I have a daily plan now, like getting out of bed a cumulative four hours per day, even if it is to sit in a chair. I use a breathing device as frequently as possible to develop my lungs, I try to eat a little something each day (even a bite or two), and I am vigilant in my anti-infection precautions. My father is here taking care of me while Liza's at home with the kids and he too is as thoughtful and loving and serious about my care. With your constant prayers (and I know particularly how important those are on this Easter Sunday), emails, cards, and positive thoughts I am motivated to drive through each day. I will get to tomorrow, stronger; and to next week, even stronger; and then soon enough just plain strong.

To each of you guardian angels taking care of my family in my absence: I love you.

With great love, affection, and respect,
Dave

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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Graft Phase

I am now in the graft phase of the transplant, just waiting for the new cells to attach to my body and create white blood cells. I need to be disciplined now - to dodge all infections, to keep my muscles from atrophy, to control side effects so as to minimize complications - and with your wave of love and support and my smiling family at the other end of this rainbow, discipline should be easy.

My good friend dropped off a dart board yesterday. This will be terrific incentive to stay out of bed and exercise my body (and competitive spirit assuming Liza has any game).

Liza's home visiting the kids this weekend and she reports back, not suprising, that life at home hasn't skipped a beat. Eli still doesn't comprehend weeks at a time so our absence is almost not noticed as he plays and lives with his extended family and friends. A godsend for me. Thank you all.


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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Thursday, March 20, 2008

T-Minus 0

Today's the transplant day. It sounds more intimidating than it is. My day starts at 7am with a shower and an orange. At 8am I go to my first of two radiation sessions. At noon is my second radiation session. The radiation, coupled with all of the previous radiation and chemo will wipe out the last remnants of my white blood cells. Around 2pm I will be given a blood transfusion with stem cells from the cord blood donors (yes plural, there are two). The idea is for the better match of the two to win out and eventually (within four weeks) graft to my body and begin replicating white blood cells. These new white cells will be in my body, created by my body, but cellularly they will be of the donor, not of me. These new white cells will be my new immune system, fighting disease better than my old system. Once the replication of white cells reaches a certain level in my body, I will be strong enough immunologically to be discharged. Assuming neither infection nor complication in this time period, then everything worked and I'm off and running.

I am ready, strong, and full of light. You all are my power.

I'll be laughing and fighting in my hospital room, in a hepa-controlled, super sterile environment, until the day I'm dishcharged. I'll see you soon.

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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Two Items

First, we had out first scare when my neck, shoulder, back, and stomach muscles went into uncontrollable spasm for about thirty minutes. Eventually the team realized I was having an allergic reaction to the drug compazine (an anti-nausea). The real story is Liza. With ice in her veins she calmly and methodically got the doctors and nurses to focus and solve the problem.  If roles had been reversed I would have been punching walls, screaming, and yelling until she was better. Her approach, needless to say, was much more effective. The only negative is that she probably broke some heavenly rule by disclosing to us mortals her angelic status.

Second, Airplane is the second greatest movie of all time.

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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

The Wave

Your wave of love, strength, light, and support is strong. A friend of mine just had a kid named Jedi and I don't think this is all a coincidence. Your force is strong. I am a lucky man.  With love and respect, David.


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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Monday, March 17, 2008

Radiation

Today the radiation starts. I have three sessions a day for three days straight and then the transplant on the 20th. The radiation will remove any vestage of bone marrow in my body. I'm ready and strong and feel your love keeping me in good spirits. Please keep up the great work supporting and loving my family. I will give you all big hugs soon.

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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Same Old

Liza's a saint, chemo's flowing, and radiation starts tomorrow. Liza did give me a little sponge bath the last two days, and that's something easy to get used to. I have a calendar or three in the room and looking forward to May. Have a great day of rest. Kiss and hug people, keep smiling.

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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Half Full

The glass is half full. Keep smiling. Have a great day!


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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Rocky

Greatest movie of all time? Yes.

Settling In

Not much to report other than chemo started and I'm doing fine. I love your encouragement and support. Thank you.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

BMT Day 1

So far so good. I went into surgery this morning to implant the second port (with three access points) into my chest. The first port (with two access points) was implanted in August. Now I have five access points in my chest for deposits (drugs/fluids) and withdrawals (blood). A little freaky.

The room is big and nice. Liza's got a couch/bed, there are two nice windows (with a decent view), a computer (with Skype so if you use Skype please let me know, my username is david.holder2), a couple of chairs, a TV and DVD. Plush. I'll be in good shape and Liza should be relatively comfortable while she's here.

I start chemo tomorrow morning.

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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Monday, March 10, 2008

Getting Started

We had a perfect weekend with the boys, from Eli's worm digging and un-prompted thank yous to Reed's precious smiles and firm belief that he's four. It was a gift and I loved every minute.

Liza and I arrived safe and sound in NYC on Sunday afternoon, enjoyed a warm welcome in our hotel lounge from old friends, and then ate Thai food in our room. Today I had an appointment at the hospital in the morning and then we cruised the city a little, saw some friends, and picked up Sushi. We're getting a little quiet time before I head in for my extended stay on Wednesday morning, and it's nice.

My 3 Fs - faith, family, and friends - are in full force these days, giving me great courage and conviction. I love you all, especially my angel of a wife, who's love for me is the most magical force in my life.


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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Saturday, March 8, 2008

I'm Ready

I'm leaving for NY tomorrow, out-patient for two days and then admitted on Wednesday.

Liza and I will be updating the blog with my progress on a regular basis. I will have access to email and my cell phone from the hospital. As long as I'm strong enough to talk and email, then I'll be in touch. I can receive snail mail while I'm an in-patient and the mailing address is below.

David Holder
C/O Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center
1275 York Avenue
New York, NY 10065

The plan for visitors is there will be no visitors, unfortunately, until I am strong enough to request visitors, and of course I hope this is as soon as possible. In the meantime, and particularly of late, I feel you visiting me in spirit. When I need it I am closing my eyes and seeing the light, which is just a bright, calming, breath-taking moment that brings me back to a deep breath and peace.  I have been calling on this a lot and you're delivering. Thank you.

As a good friend likes to say, "We'll be talkin' soon".

I love you all.


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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

T Minus 4 Days

I depart for the hospital in four days. While my miracle of a wife gets me and us prepared for everything, I just think about today, and the day we return to DC. Sometimes I think about days in between, which turns on a spigot of serious sadness, overwhelming gratefulness and then love.

We just returned from a long two days in NY. Liza and I were there for a battery of tests, consent forms, and preparatory procedures, including my first tattoo! Doctors actually tattooed my chest and back to delineate my lungs; like utility company neon orange markings on the road. I get full body radiation for four days and the lungs are covered for protection, hence the tattoos. Who knows? I stopped asking most questions long ago.

Once again NYC is feeling like a small town. A couple friends picked us up at the train station Monday night (yesterday's appointments started early so we had to go up the night before), we went for pizza (there really is such a thing as NY-style pizza and it's good), and then they dropped us off at the hospital's hotel. When we got to the hotel, a college roommate was outside waiting for us. Liza and I are lucky souls. Monday was all smiles.

We were gone for two days and never spoke to the boys, as they were with their Grammy, Grampa, and Auntie, and having more fun with us gone. Eli never asked to call us. God bless him.

We are so lucky to have all of you helping us on this home front. You make our lives as comfortable and as easy as possible. We are amazed every day with your selfless, generous, outpouring of love and support. With the recent decision to use Sloan Kettering for the transplant, many, including your friends and family (strangers to Liza and me), have stepped-up beyond our imagination. We are grateful beyond words. You are our heroes.

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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Friday, February 29, 2008

Getting Closer

We had an excellent visit to Sloan Kettering yesterday and now have a clear understanding of the next two months. I get admitted on March 10th into a sterile room on the transplant floor (I will literally not leave this room until I'm discharged roughly May 1st). Visitors are allowed but limited as infection is the primary killer of transplant patients during the transplant. I get chemo and radiation for 10 days (this is the hard part, and how they destroy my immune system) and then get the transplant (donated, partially matched, cord blood from a non-relative) on the 20th. For the next month I try not to get sick (because I have no ability to create my immune system) as I wait for the transplant to take effect. Once the transplanted cells starts working, my body will create my immune system. When the immune system is strong enough (hopefully by May 1st), I will be discharged.

If all goes well, then I will be an almost daily out-patient for about two or three months, Liza and the kids move up to be with me during this time, and we have fun days exploring the upper east side and beyond!

One last note: a few college friends picked us up at Penn Station and drove us up to Sloan Kettering. Four hours later one of the guys picked us up at Sloan and delivered us back to the train station. They made the trip excellent. They made NYC feel like a small town with family. It felt great. Thanks to those guys and all you others who make us feel so welcome and blessed wherever we are.

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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Laughter

There's no better medicine than laughter, and no better material than the insanity of parenting. While I'm more a spectator than a parent these days, I do get a few bellyaching laughs each day watching Liza and the boys. I read about the comedian Anita "William Tell Mom" Renfro today and she sums it up nicely, "each day you have a choice - hilarity or insanity".

May you all enjoy some funny times today!


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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Friday, February 22, 2008

Chemo Fest

It's been fun here at Hopkins getting chemo. We've had a few visitors, lunch, and laughs.

One aspect of everyday chemo life is nausea. Throwing up just happens, everyone, anywhere, anytime. Those patients/nurses/caregivers that can best manage nausea are the super stars. One aspect of my nausea that I like, is that when it comes, it comes big. The nurses bring over a cute cup-like plastic container, maybe providing the volume for a banana, to which I essentially laugh. I would rather puke in my hands. She then finds and brings the monster bucket, more like a tub for washing babies, the daddy of nausea containers. So I feel somewhat at the top of the nausea container ladder, which leads me to believe I hurl bigger and faster than others. I'll take honors wherever I can get em.

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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Memory Loss and Favor

As I get deeper into chemo, this is my 10th treatment (and many of the toxins stay and accumulate in my body), I find my short term memory to be at best 90%, but the strange part is that I remember most of the mundane and then don't remember the unusual - such as a special visitor or a medical procedure. I think my brain is playing tricks on me in addition to the chemo. This memory loss is clearly a chemo side-effect.

But today I attempt to define a new, third side effect, called (and primarily used as a scape goat by me) "lack of follow-up", which in my opinion is due solely to the fact, in some cases, that I don't at all remember the underlying act(s). Believe me, I would prefer to write a thank you note, for example; or to remember that a lumbar biopsy was already completed and that it explains the hole in my back.

Excuses (and memory loss) are not acceptable, so here's what I propose. If you and I interact and I forget something, or you remotely think that I forgot something (assume I am a thoughtful and considerate person), then it is your duty to let me know. Deal?

This should get me back to par for the time being. Thank you.

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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Chemo Day 1 of 3

I'm on my way to Hopkins for the chemo that was supposed to start yesterday (Hopkins didn't have a bed for me yesterday). In order to stay on schedule for the BMT I will get today's chemo (and for the next two days) as an out-patient. It's always an adventure. Yesterday I felt a little like a field goal kicker getting iced by an opponent with unlimited time-outs.

Thank you all for reaching out to help Liza as we prepare for NY. Your support and love continue to inspire us.

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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Mojo

Yesterday was great. I was active from ten to ten and it was like a day long surprise party, just one fun turn after the next. Today is looking to be similar.  May you all feel your mojos today!

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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Monday, February 18, 2008

New Week

Yesterday afternoon my body turned the corner.  It feels good to think and walk around again. The air here is cool and crisp in the 40s and 50s.  Walks have never smelled and felt so good. I hope to get a little longer day today. I hope you had a great weekend!

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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Friday, February 15, 2008

I Love NY

We're heading North. It turns out that Memorial Sloan Kettering Hospital in NYC has, for me, the best bone marrow transplant ("BMT") protocols. As a result, next week I get one more dose of ICE chemo at Hopkins and then in March I head up to NYC for the BMT. The procedure could keep me in the big city for up to 5 months!  We're excited for the adventure. Liza's got me thinking of it as a stint abroad. I love her. I'll post updates in the coming days as we figure out logistics.

In the meantime, I'm feeling better, battling serious nasuea and headaches, but happy knowing the symptoms should diminish a lot by Monday.

NYC. Wow. Here we come.

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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Monday, February 11, 2008

Brief Observations

I love how my wife finds the energy to parent and play with the kids, take care of me, and smile.

Reed started to walk, which is fun for everyone, and exhausting for Liza.

My dog never leaves my side except for the bathroom, food, and welcoming people into the house (excessive tail wagging and offensive smelling). She's a good dog.

Yesterday's nausea was rough. Today is a bit better.


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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Saturday, February 9, 2008

So Far So Good

I've had a few decent days in a row, including walks and full meals and naps and good stretches of sleep at night. It doesn't get much better than this! Thank you for your excellent email encouragement and visits. I am a lucky man!

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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Bone Marrow Biopsy and Friends

I just had a bone marrow biopsy. It hurt. I acted tough though.  Little victories.

Our visitors during this Hopkins stay are keeping the days fresh and fun.  From food and laughs to serious conversations and quickie visits when doctors get in the way of good times, we love the mini parties throughout the days. Thank you!

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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Chemo and Jerseys

I get admitted for the third ICE chemo treatment today.  If all goes as planned, then I'll be discharged Friday. This should be the last ICE treatment.

As for Jerseys, I was recently honored with a Cornell Men's Basketball Jersey signed by all the players, and a Cornell Men's Lacrosse Jersey #28 (my number back in the day) signed by all the players. As evidenced by their reaching out to me, the coaches of these teams are showing their respective players, young men, how to be good men. I was lucky enough to have a similar coach in college, and these jerseys remind me of the valuable life lessons that came out of my college playing days; along with reminding me of our crazy confidence, bold enthusiasm, and endless energy (a great memory right now). Slogging through endless hours in the weight room, countless practices, sometimes two a day, and participating in continuous non-lacrosse activities with the team, I thought I was becoming a better player. Maybe so, but for certain I was becoming a better person, absorbing those life lessons, including what it means to make a commitment, and why active community involvment is so valuable.

So thank you to the thoughtful and generous Cornell coaches and players for the jerseys, for the inspiring reminders, and for the lessons themselves.

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David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Sunday, February 3, 2008

Super Bowl Sunday

May you all enjoy delicious unhealthy partying today. I look forward to the game, as usual, but not as much as placing a dozen or so $.25 bets with my business partner. I think the winner usually ends up with less than a dollar, but the thrill of victory is sweet.

_____________________
David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Friday, February 1, 2008

Hopkins Update

We are driving back from a day at Hopkins. After a PET scan, blood work, and conversations with doctors, the plan is tentatively set. Tuesday I start my third round of ICE chemo, and then two weeks later the bone marrow transplant starts. The BMT starts as out patient care, and then on or about March 1st I'll be admitted for a few weeks. Hopkins wants to do two BMTs. The first with my blood (an auto transplant) and the second with my sister's blood (an allo transplant). The second BMT would take place in May or June. The year's already flying by! :)

____________________________
David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Feeling Better

My physical condition is getting better, allowing me to participate in life a little. I had an old friend over, went to Eli's parent-teacher conference, and even went with Liza to a clothing store. While I loved seeing my old friend and her daughter, and I wept for joy that Eli's in such a nice school during this hard time, I just can't muster much emotion for the clothing store outing. I guess I did get a good laugh when I joined Liza in her fitting room and felt like a guilty but happy 13 year old. Otherwise, I was hoping the circumstances would trump my normal aversion to clothing stores, but no. I guess I should be thankful that my chemo perspective hasn't dulled all my corners.

____________________________
David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Checking In

I'm here. I'm focused on getting through each hour, making sure I drink, eat, and take my meds.

____________________________
David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Getting Through It

We're back at home, which is really nice, and in the "getting through it" stage. All is well. I just put my head down and wait for a week or 10 days. In the meantime, I think I have to head back to the barber as my hair is falling out in the shower. I missed being bald. :)

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Photo Request

My good friend Sally Hess has offered to put together a mural of sorts with all of your (yes you) photos. I'd love to take her up on her offer.

So, please email funny photos (liberal and inclusive are watchwords) of you and send it (or them) to Sally. Her info is below.

Send them via email to: desshess@comcast.net or snail mail to: Sally Hess, 14415 Cooper Rd., Phoenix, MD 21131

Thank you!

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Love and Joy

Liza and I are sitting in my hospital bed, I'm hooked up to two tubes pumping chemo into me and all I can do is watch my phone as I wait for Eli to call after dinner. If he doesn't call, then it didn't occur to him b/c he's having too much fun and that's terrific. If he does call, then I guarantee my conversation with him will make my day. My friend Alex calls Eli from time-to-time and pretends to be Batman. Alex is calling tonight, so Eli's rehash of that phone call will likely be hilarious.

By way of example, the last time Eli was speaking with Batman, Eli asked, "are you Jewish?" Yes, for those wondering.

Last night when I was tucking Eli into bed he said, "whenever I need you, I'll just call for you, right?".
"Right" I said.
Then he continued, "And whenever you need me, you just call for me and I'll come help." He's my boy. Love and joy.

Monday, January 21, 2008

MLK

I love what this holiday represents. I love that there is about to be a non-president (for the first time) honored with a Mall Memorial and he is one of our country's greatest sons, and he is a black man. I love the thought of our country taking a collective breath today and contemplating that the pursuit of Liberty is best embodied by the accomplishments of one of our greatest sons, and he is a black man. I love that the major presidential candidates include a woman, a morman, and a black man.

I'm feeling good and wish you all a happy Martin Luther King Jr. Day.

Friday, January 18, 2008

Chemo on Tuesday

I went to Hopkins today for a CT scan, blood work, and a meeting with my doctors. Based on the clear CT scan, subsiding pain, and blood counts that are strong enough, the decision is to be admitted on Tuesday for my next chemo session. Like the last session, this will be three nights in the hospital but I have my beautiful bride with me so it will be as easy as possible.

I hope you all have a fun holiday weekend!

____________________________
David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Doing Better

I'm getting better slowly but surely. When I gauge my improvement every three days the differences become obvious. I am able to sleep a little better and the stomach pain has lost some of its teeth.

For the most part I rest in bed. I love hearing Reed, usually, as his sounds tend to be more coo than cry. Eli is funnier, but those laughs come at a cost. He battles with Liza; like serious battles.

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. Your support is the best therapy of all.

____________________________
David Holder
(202) 270-3174

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Day 3

For day 3 post chemo I'm doing all right. They finished pumping drugs into me Thursday afternoon for those counting at home. I never started to turn around before day seven or eight, so I figure I need to just plow on for another four or five days and then maybe the chemo effects start to abate. We'll see. Either way I go to Hopkins on Monday and then I'll get a better sense of my condition.

I hope everyone's having a great weekend!

____________________________
David Holder
(202) 270-3174