Extremes

Today had its ups and downs but on balance was probably better than yesterday and that is an important trend for me right now.

I have no routine and now people are visiting more often, which is exhausting but really nice to see people and hear what they're doing in and thinking about the real world.

My mind is getting a little sharper and has more stamina. I read 70 pages of a Grisham novel today. That's a big deal and will hopefully mean I can get to more substantive materials before the next chemo. All of my cognitive skills have been numbed it feels.

I'm crying a lot (once or twice a day). Anything can set me off and remind me of something emotional, and I'm pretty emotional about most topics now. Primarily thankfullness and joy hit me hardest. (Although sometimes it's for sadness, which usually abates pretty quickly, thankfully.) Like this afternoon I was sitting in a dark, quiet room, in as comfy a position as possible, listening to loud iPod Pachelbel's Canon, and when Liza walked in to just be with me I was set-off. Her love and commitment make me feel so fortunate and confident. I know how lucky I am, and then come the tears, not a sob, but just a few tears and some crying. She holds and hugs and kisses me - every time - and holds me until I have to push her away (b/c it still ain't cool to cry).